I wanted to post my freind John Poole’s (Going to Austrailia) latest blog entry for you to enjoy, I also want to apologise for my lack of posts recently. I am working on a series the will be outlining where I am right now, how I got here and what God has to do with it (Everything) so in the meantime, Enjoy.
So for Friday the 13th nothing especially crazy happened to me, save an hour and half midnight trip to Wal-Mart, which every redneck and their mystic cousin seemed to be at just to chill. And my chocolate friend Ryan, he was there, too. 
But I had the strangest, most remarkable, life-like dream that night, and I just couldn’t shake the feeling it gave me. It wasn’t a bad feeling, rather enjoyable, really… but it was one of those dreams that haunted and affected the rest of your day. The following is as close as I could get to a communicable transfer of the dream. I hope you enjoy.
It was the end. The end of it all, and it just seemed perfectly unreal. I felt no regret, I felt no pain; just a simple severance encompassed by a peaceful nothingness. As our hands slid lazily out of each other’s reach, I placed mine into already over-crowded pockets. As I gazed into her ever-changing blue-green eyes, she looked into the distance, and then down to the ground. We stood there for a moment not knowing what to say. Although everything was said and out in the open, we both felt the need to say something more, yet remained frozen in our disbelief. My eyes were wide, expecting, and hers seemingly bore holes into the still, soft earth beneath us. I placed my left hand under her chin, gently raising it to where our eyes met. I felt her saline slowly trickle down my hand and drip off my wrist. She cracked a smile bigger than she could manage and placed her right hand upon mine. As she removed my hand, so went her smile. We began to slowly walk down the sidewalk not knowing who or what to blame. Unsuspecting was I to discover it was me; it was me that’d let her down.
“We’re going to be late for the film.” As she spoke her voice was carried off into the wind and bounced off the downtown buildings; brick and concrete. We approached the theater and I opened the door for her. There were no shallow cordials or “thank-you’s,” for there was no need for them. A silent entrance seemed only just in this moment. I purchased the overpriced tickets and we were on our way.
The theater was vast and void, for even though there may’ve been fifty people already seated, room was abundant as everyone was placed sporadically, like an artist randomly throwing paint at a canvas, letting the colour lie wherever it may. The air was so empty; it was hard not to feel alone. We sat in the very back row, though two strangers separated me from her. An empty seat to my left looked tempting, being adjacent to the aisle, but my indecisive nature took the best of me. Such lack of initiative, made me sick. I looked to my right, for one last look into her eyes, and as I did her blonde hair began to glow, brighter and brighter, and the light soon spread to her flawless face. The intensity of it made me squint as I watched her melt away, far away into nothingness. Then, as quick as it began, it was all over. An empty seat was all that was left.
I still felt perfectly unreal, like I had done something wrong and should be sorry for it, but I wasn’t, and that was all good and well. It was as if I had no responsibility and feared no consequence, but it was how I was supposed to feel, like she wanted me to feel.
I then felt a presence to my left, and as I turned the once-vacant seat was now taken, and a beautiful dark-haired lady had taken its residence. “Hello,” she said, her clear, smooth voice seemingly laying my body to waste. I felt as if I should be taken aback, but instead was filled with excitement at being united with and old friend. The movie then began to start and she nodded towards the screen, implying that I should ready myself to watch. I felt an instant safety around me, a comfort only felt after existing with someone over a matter of years.
I could not pay attention to the film; she had taken over my every thought and I was just simply incapable of it. I didn’t want to rush anything, but I didn’t want to waste a single moment, so I made haste to my actions. The armrests were nonexistent, so I gently slid my hand into hers, received by a welcomed squeeze. In the same action, her head came to rest on my shoulder, and I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. We stayed like this for a good while, intertwined like it was nature’s design. Then suddenly, it shot into me, burning my veins and making my head spin; I could not control my lack of playing my God-given role as a man, and what little initiative I had had disappeared. I did not put my arm around her and comfort her against my chest. It seemed as if our roles had been reversed, and it scared me to death. My hand tore away from hers faster than I had time to think, and I quickly retreated from her personal space. Immediately it seemed her eyes began to well up, hurt and confusion building up behind those deep, blue eyes. “I thought you were beginning to love me,” her eyes spoke, lips motionless, save a slight quiver. I couldn’t understand how I could consciously hurt somebody so readily, how I could let my fear control me like that. She outstretched her arms, and I was slow to react. It seemed our roles had been reversed, and that felt somewhat demeaning to me, as if my masculinity was on the line. My mind was blank and I couldn’t react, my mind just wouldn’t let me. The screen flashed and her porcelain skin had never looked so pristine and white; delicate, with a beauty inexpressible. My mind began to reel again, and I fought against every immediate reaction coming to mind. I threw caution to the wind and went against my every sense. I placed my head on her chest and immediately her arms wrapped around me, and she kissed my head like I had kissed hers. My hair was covered in saline as she pressed her cheek atop my head. Once again we simply existed, not moving or speaking, just existing. Her heartbeat reverberated at a steady pace, and it was music to my ears. The film began to intensify and grow louder. How her heart beat faster, and in the moment she began to whisper, yet her whisper drowned out every other sense I could possibly pay attention to. Her voice brought a connection that I had never felt before, and I sat a listened for as long as she spoke; softly and sparingly. When she was done, I slowly brought my head up and studied her now-composed face, as if a single tear had never been shed. I placed my right hand aside her right cheek and pecked her on the opposing side. We then exchanged a simple, brief kiss, as if we were little kids, trying something new without a full understanding of ‘why,’ without an explanation; just reaction. The sweetness and genuineness of it all brought about a certain peace, one that would stay with me the rest of my days. Even as this peace began to settle, she began to shine, and an ever-so-familiar feeling crept back into my mind. She was dissolving in between both of my hands and I was totally out of control. She faded with a smile and mouthed words I could not interpret in time, but I still was encompassed by that certain peace. As she was gone completely and I was left alone once more, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself. Strangely enough, my laugh began to echo and bounce off the theater walls, and as it carried down the aisles, it started affecting everyone; laughing, then disappearing; dissolving into a whirlpool of fleeting laughter.
Soon I was the only one left, yet I felt no fear, no loneliness; just comfort. The analog film began to skip and seemed as if it came off of it’s reel, leaving a never-ending bright white light in it’s place. The light began to intensify and spread throughout the auditorium and crept down the aisles towards me. It overwhelmed me and took me over, as if it had grabbed hold of my soul. I was in a room of nothing but light, seemingly floating, but stilled by some force of untraceable gravity. There were no seats left, nothing to hold on to; just the light to exist amongst. God and I were one, and there was nowhere else to be. This was truly the end.
